theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize
