Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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