I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
