You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
