I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
