I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
