i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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