i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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