youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
