You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
