mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
