I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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