He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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