I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
