Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I smell like Dick and happiness
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
