At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
