i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
