Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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