Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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