White coat. Heels.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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