wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
