I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
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