It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
