Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
