Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
