Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
