I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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