Will you blow on my dice?
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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