yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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