guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
