The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
