I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
