I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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