My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
