just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
