I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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