Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
