Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
