It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
