The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
