sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
