i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
