Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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