Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
