you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
