I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Randomize
