He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
