would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Randomize
