Can i not drive my cunt home
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
