I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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