Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
