btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Randomize
