Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
