I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
