I wish my penis had an off switch
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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